How To Football: Week 2

¡EL ASSICOOOOOO!

It’s a tale as old as college football itself: after a terrific full spread for week one, the college football schedule retreats back into it’s shell for week two as many schools play their “get right games” (geaux tigers) and after the bangers of week one featuring some great helmet games, we get some matchups between teams that occupy less of the college football forefront.

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Fridayikes Shift

• Kansas-Coastal Carolina: A few years ago, never mind how many, Kansas agreed to a two for one schedule with Coastal Carolina. Anyway, the pair of games in Lawrence have been played and…well, the Chanticleers are going for the clean sweep. So that’s going well.
• NC A&T-Duke: Last week Duke lost to Charlotte. This week, they play North Carolina A&T. While A&T is FCS and Charlotte is still FBS…the thing is, A&T might be even better than Charlotte. That’s not ominous at all!
• North Dakota-Utah State: Thankfully, this isn’t the North Dakota you’re thinking of. Unfortunately, that might not matter in the end. Sigh.
• UTEP: Boise State: lmao.

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Average Sized Noon Saturday Shift

• Oregon-Ohio State: A very intriguing game on paper, if a healthy Kayvon Thibodeaux is involved. As it stands, that’s a dubious request and the rest of the Ducks did not look great in the slightest against Fresno State last week.
• Pitt-Tennessee: This game has deeply chaotic energy written all over it and I love it.
• South Carolina-East Carolina: So last week I talked a massive amount of shit towards ECU and they…didn’t prove me totally wrong but they definitely had a pulse. I can definitely see this team giving a South Carolina club transitioning under new leadership a pretty rough go at it.
• Illinois-Virginia: The Sickos Game of the Week is Jason Kirk’s IP, but this is not NOT the Sickos Game of the Week. The Illinois Adjustment is BACK, baby.
• Western Kentucky-Army: I’m going with the numbers here, and SP+ says this be decided by less than a touchdown, with Army favored by 6.8

EL ASSICOOOOOOOOOOO Shift

• Iowa-Iowa State: UN DOS TRES CUATRO

• Air Force-Navy: We talk a lot about hate in this sport, but there is real actual contempt in this affair. And best of all, it should be a pretty close game, with SP+ leaning Air Force by a little more than a touchdown.
• Cal-TCU: Cal needs this win desperately for Justin Wilcox after an embarrassing 22-17 loss to Nevada to open the season. Unfortunately, the much-maligned Cal offense has to negotiate terms with a Gary Patterson defense.
• Rutgers-Syracuse: Okay no I lied, THIS is the Sickos Game of the Week. The visiting ball club holds a slight edge in what SP+ is calling a virtual toss-up.
• Colorado-Texas A&M: Yeaaaah…the drop-off in quality in this shift is noteicable.

Saturday Night In Death Valley Again Shift

• McNeese-LSU: See y’all there.
• Washington-Michigan: The Huskies were upset at home to start the season by Montana, which…there are worse FCS teams to lose to (hello, Portland State! How do you do, NAU?) but regardless that had to leave a sour taste in the mouth of the Huskies. Washington is certainly capable of hanging and beating Michigan, but I guess we have to see if they actually do it.
• NC State-Mississippi State: SP+ favors NC State by 4.4 points and all I can think about is how remarkably little I know about NC State. Just an impossibly average, generic brand program.
• App State-Miami (FL): It is time to, once again, get my hopes up and believe that my beloved ‘Eers can slap Miami around and get a dub over the Hurricanes. There is no doubt in my mind that I am prepared to be let down again.
• Texas-Arkansas: For the life of me, I CANNOT fathom why we’re pretending this will be a close game. Did we learn nothing from last week when Texas played a ULL team that is almost without a doubt better? No, it’s not happening.

…unless…

Robert Kekaula Memorial Shift

• Utah-BYU: Is the only real interesting draw of the night, and that is mostly contingent on seeing what a post-Zach Wilson BYU team looks like (and how far off they mark they are without him).
• Vanderbilt-Colorado State: Lmao, somebody actually has to win this game! How gross is that? I love it.
• Hawaii-Oregon State: Well in retrospect I suppose getting runned over by UCLA doesn’t look so bad. And they did stave off Portland State, so I suppose they have a fighter’s chance in Corvallis. I absolutely cannot wait to get home after the game and fall asleep with 10 minutes to go in this game.
• Stanford-USC: USC will roll.
• UNLV-Arizona State: Arizona State will roll.